


Stay Forever

by Crypterion_Moon



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics), Red Robin (Comics)
Genre: Abandonment, Anal Sex, Angst, Batfam bingo 2019, Clubbing, Do I mean anything to you?, Emotional Hurt, Heavy Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Promiscuity, Rejection, Sad Ending, Semi-Public Sex, Unrequited Love, Vampires, batfam bingo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-03-09 19:50:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18923893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crypterion_Moon/pseuds/Crypterion_Moon
Summary: The first time Tim finally gets the courage to admit his feelings, Jason is taken by surprise and handles it badly. The second time, Tim needed him, he failed to acknowledge how crucial the moment was.All Tim wants is someone who'll stay, someone who'll hold him. Anyone.





	1. I needed you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Skalidra](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skalidra/gifts).



> Look, I don't know why but I punched myself in the heart. It really hurts. Skalidra because her 'Mark my words' hurt too and I'm a loser and they are a hero of mine.
> 
> Song: MYSTXRIVL - BXVUTIFUL THINGS

The sound of boots landing heavily, all too familiar, caught Tim’s attention even before Jason had spoken. He turned around and watched the vigilante, half crime-lord with good intentions, remove the helmet and grin at him.

“Now before you run off, I’m not here to beat you up,” Tim could hear the grin in Jason’s words.

“Last time you said that, you beat me up.”

“Fair, but you did try to stop me.”

“From killing a dumb idiot who threatened an old lady,” Tim deadpanned.

“I have rules against threatening old ladies, he broke ‘em,” Jason tries to defend but only half-heartedly. He knew by now that Tim didn’t really hold it against him. He should but the kid has always been too forgiving, “All right, jeez, sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

Tim just glared at him through the lens of his cowl.

“Aw, come one, will a hug help?”

“Ew, no,” Tim said. It was a lie though, some part of it craved the contact, but getting it from the man he was beginning to like too much might send his heart going in directions he wasn’t ready accept. Shouldn’t.

They sat on the parapet of the building, eating fries and greasy chili dogs while bickering and keeping an eye on the radio before making off for patrol, like every other Sunday night. A routine they’d shared together. Tim came to look forward to these moments as part of their healing together. Jason was the only one seeking him out, he’d come to rely on Tim for help now. 

Tim lived in his apartment now, his only visited the manor or the cave once in a blue moon, even calls were rare and all from Alfred, maybe sometimes Dick. He’s not surprise. Their focus, was all now on Damian and his development. The psychotic child assassin in rehab. Tim thought of it as caution, every time he tried to go back, it’s resulted in insults, fights or another attempted assassinations on Tim. He’s thankful the latter has lessened but he preferred not to be crippled by a ten year old.  
It’s late but he needs his coffee, Bruce started sending him more cases to work on, more mysteries to decipher. That’s how he mostly communicates with Tim now, just...cases. It hurt to think that was all he meant to them, just...some employee. Even chiefs of forensic departments greeted their employees with a hello and coffee. But Bruce, Tim had to remind himself, was busy, and maybe not the greatest at emotional interaction.  
This is fine. It’s not. But he’ll tell himself that as many time as it takes until he believes it, for their sake, right?  
He got to work, a welcome distraction from his non-stop thoughts.  
Tim is in the middle of a cold one when he hears a heavy thump out in the living room. His first instinct was to consider burglars and since this area was known as crime alley, he shouldn’t be surprised. What he is surprised by is that someone managed to bypass his security, one designed to automatically repel anyone trying to brute force their way in. So he took his bo staff and some projectiles and crept slowly into the living room.  
Hunched over his knees on the floor was Jason, bleeding and battered. The man looked up with some expression hidden behind his helmet, “Hey, sorry, your place was closer and I really needed to crash.”

Tim sighed, “One of those nights?”

“Ah, yeah.”

Tim draped one of Hood’s arms around his shoulder as he helped drag him around to his couch, laying Jason down enough that he could go find the kit.

“Thanks by the way.”

Tim paused looking back at the older man, now with his helmet off and no domino, he was looking at Tim with a sincere expression that made the same familiar feeling bloom in his chest.

“No problem.”

For the next hour or so, they spent it bandaging Jason’s wound, which weren’t all deep but tonight bust have been a real bust for him to get it this bad. All the while, Tim scolded him lightly.

“Why didn’t you call for back up, you know it’s dangerous to attempt a risky operation like that.”

“Well sorry if I wasn’t up for calling Grayson or Bats, I handled it didn’t I?”

Tim shook his head and went back to wrapping Jason’s bleeding arm. They continued bickering. The casualness and feeling of just being right was something that Tim couldn’t help but savor, moments he couldn’t imagine sharing before when Jason was afflicted with blind rage. And it had been so long, so long since he could talk to someone like this. They chatted until Tim deemed the vigilante wrapped and treated sufficiently. He got up and was about to return to the kitchen to replace the kit.

“Thanks, this might be the umpteenth time I’ve come here for help.”

“I told you last time, you’re welcome here when you need it,” Tim said.

He saw the shift in Jason’s attitude, his mind was wandering over to the negatives again. Tim could see it in his teal eyes, the way they darted anywhere but to look at Tim himself. Tim felt his chest rising with anxiety but didn’t push the matter. It took a few moments before Jason could speak.

“You care a lot for someone who has more reason to hate me than anyone else.”

"I-" Tim meant to say of course, they were both Robins and Robin, always stuck out for each other, bringing to mind the time he worked with a young Dick. But this was different, and the lie stuck in his throat, this time, refusing to budge. The nagging at the back of his mind said this was a bad idea and no time for honesty, but his heart raced impatiently. How much longer? How much more did he have to wait 'till he could confess? Now or when it was too late?

"You still have no idea, do you?" Tim thought, he stopped, his thoughts racing in his mind as the topic reared its head again. Should he be honest, should he tell the truth? Can he trust his own feelings? Questions and self-doubt swirled around and around in his head like a dizzying hurricane of panicked thoughts. He said, he said, dear god he said it and there was no going back now. He could see Jason's brow furrowing as he tried to process the meaning in the words and found nothing tangible. Tim was so wrapped up that he, for one second, didn't know how to continue. Jason was still watching him, waiting for an answer to a question or comment Tim hadn’t heard.

“Tim? You zoning out on me?” 

Tim sat back on the couch, staring at the kit still in his hands, “Would you believe me if...if I told you, I had a good reason for that?”

Jason raised an eyebrow and sighed.

“What, did Bruce talk you into it? Dick even? You know he hasn’t shut up about bonding time.”

Tim shook his head, “No, the reason is,” he gulped, “I feel...strongly about you, Jason.”

Jason’s expression went from amused to confused. The kind of expression that had him second guessing his next words. The weight of those words which he couldn't decipher hung in the air and Jason didn't like it. Tim had to calm his frantic heart, “What are you talking about?”

“I...I-I really like you Jason,” he stuttered off as his voice lost steam.

“Okay, I like you too, you’re a decent guy.”

“No I mean, more than just a friend, I-, I don’t even know if I should be saying this but, I-I...I.”

Tim took a deep breath, “I’m...in love with you, Jason.”

Jason went still for the longest seconds they ever had before he finally answers, “You can’t be serious.”

Those were the exact words that caused Tim’s heart to sink.

“I think you got this wrong, I’m not trying to hurt you anymore but I’m not looking for anything like that, especially not with you.” 

Those words, unintentional and intentional at the same time were like daggers of ice straight into his chest. Especially not with him.

“Right, of course,” Tim said, his gaze dropping. Now all he wanted was to drop the subject before it got any worse for them. But a bitter emotion began to rise, the same feeling Tim got when he felt threatened, vulnerable. When Stephanie had lied to him and broke his trust, that’s when he shuts everyone out, becoming passively aggressive.

“I’m sorry I said it, I’m sorry I even thought about it,” he said, trying his best not to grit his teeth. He hoped Jason didn’t hear the anger and hurt in his voice.

“The hell, Tim?” Oh no, he wasn’t going away, “What do you want from me? That I’d say ‘Me too, I’m falling for you too’ is that it? Why the hell would you expect me to feel the same?”

“I don’t okay, just, pretend I didn’t say anything.”

Anger flared in Jason. The kind people he hated most next to criminals and scum, were cowards. Only ever good at starting but not going through with it, those people were only ever content with half-assing everything only to runaway at the last minute when things get rough. And he hated that Tim was going down this path, this wasn't the former Robin he got to know. The one that faced everything with a brave face and a clever mind. Right now, Tim looked no different from those cowards, flinching away as he moved, just barely able to contain the urge to grab the boy.

“Bullshit, if you were going to pretend nothing happened then you shouldn’t have tried!” Jason was getting to his yelling voice. Tim has only heard it directed at him, sometimes, there was a note of madness, jealousy, hatred but this...this was tinted with disgust. Oh god, Tim thought, Jason was disgusted by him. This whole thing was a huge mistake and he could never take it back. The sudden urge to run overcame Tim.

“You’re right, I’m sorry, this was stupid,” like with everything else he does, Tim thought to himself, “Just forget about it, please, you-”

“Oh no, you don’t get to drop this bomb and run off. You’re not guilt tripping me, I’m not letting you play that card you hear me?,” Jason grabs Tim’s arm as he tries to get up, to leave, “Come on, you wanna explain how just because we were all buddies now that you thought I had feelings for you? Why can't you accept it, that things can't always be what you want?”

This was the worst possible outcome, he couldn’t even be rejected like a normal person, no, everything that went wrong always had to go south, always had to be accompanied by a storm. Like always, he dealt with it the way he knew best, clamming up, “No I don’t want to, let go Jason.”

“Why because your feelings didn’t get validated, Replacement? You’re all about that aren’t you, the world revolves around you. You’d kiss up to anyone who cared, wouldn’t you. That’s what makes you replaceable, you’re nothing but a kiss-ass.” 

Those words hit the hardest and he couldn’t stop himself from nearly wrenching his arm out of its socket, pulling away from Jason.

“Jason, that’s enough!” Tim yelled, he never yelled like that before. It hurt to raise his voice like that, almost as much as his arm did. Jason stood by stunned. Silence passed while Tim stood, shaking so badly that the kit slipped from his hands, the clattering of the plastic against the floor prompted him to speak again, “I thought, we had something, that maybe after all that crap we went through, we had a new start. Spending time with you, made the me feel something I thought I’d lost, after so long and...I thought you felt the same, I thought we were more.”

Tim picks up the box of medical supplies and turns around, shoulders slumped, “I was wrong.”

Jason felt his blood boil. He hated it when other people liked to play the victim, like they were the ones who had it bad, you can’t top being dead for a few years. But the hurt was in his voice. Jason had spent enough time working with Bruce to read people.  
Tim was trying not to fall apart. Trying to hide how much he was breaking up inside, not sure if the other man could see that, he hoped he hadn’t. He’s not as much of a detective as Bruce or the kid but Jason didn’t miss the trembling, he opened his mouth to say something, anything. Sorry. But Tim cut him off before he could.

“Get out.”

“Wha-”

“I said, get out,” Tim had to fight not to let the tears spill, not in front of Jason. Now forever a grudge and his mistake.  
“Just go, please,” the plea was more than enough to send him off. Even though secretly, Tim hoped just a little that Jason was stubborn enough to stay, to try and work things out. But he didn’t, and like that, Jason was gone. Not a word, no goodbye. Nothing. That was all Tim had meant to him.

He made his way back to the kitchen and put the kit back, going through the motions like a robot. Walk, open door, put the kit on the second shelf, close door walk out, go to the bedroom, close door.

The door slams a bit louder than he intended but Tim couldn’t care less. Maybe he could curl up and try to sleep it off, if he could. The tears were finally flowing, his throat clenching up as he clutched at the sheets trying to pretend it was someone else's warmth seeping into him and not the heater he had on. But no matter what, he still felt so cold.

================================================================================

Patrol became harsher, Tim pushed himself harder and harder beyond his limits. The past few weeks were especially gruelling with the crime rate spiking all of a sudden. But he welcomed it. The pain and the work and the constant exhaustion helped his mind from wandering over that unfortunate night. While his brain was so worn, thoughts of Jason couldn’t plague him. But it left him more battered and on the brink. But he’ll hold out as long as he can until he can get over it.  
Tim grunted as he landed on his window ledge, the impact reverberated painfully along his wounded leg. He rested one hand on his thigh and it came away wet with blood, dripping from his fingers.  
He hadn’t realized how bad it was until now but he was home now, no point in calling anyone. Dick would...probably be too busy as would Bruce. Damian would be the last person he’d call even if they were the last ones left on Earth. Jason...might even try to beat him up again, he was doing a spectacular job of avoiding Tim after all.  
Tim crawls in through the half open window and leans back against the wall beside it. He doesn’t have a lot of options. He never did. 

Tim learned from a very young age that no matter how much he cried, or what he did to make them happy, his parent would never have time for him. They hopped from one place to another for extended trips in the name of work. Never taking him with them, never calling.  
Left behind in their great manor, it was frightening, a vast space filled with nothing, just inky black shadows and the wind rushing through and around it. The nights were especially awful, when the housekeeper had gone home and Tim was truly alone in the manor. All he could hear was the small sounds of creaking and his own breath coming ragged from beneath the covers. And during storms, Tim would jump at every sound that echoed around. No one was there for him during those long nights, no one to comfort him. It was always cold. Now here he was, alone, bleeding and cold.

Tim let his belt drop to the floor with a dull thud as he stripped out of his torn uniform. His kit was prepped by his bedside and ready to patch up his injuries when suddenly his phone began to ring. It was Dick.

“Hello?”

“Hey, I’ve been trying to get a hold of you, were you out?”

“Yeah, patrol was interesting if quiet,” Tim winced as he pulled the bullet out of his thigh.

“You’re pushing yourself again aren’t you?” there was a note of disappointment in Dick’s voice, like he was expecting Tim to be doing something else other than patrol.

“You know me, can’t let myself get lazy. Bruce wouldn’t either if he wasn’t so busy with recovering.”

“It would be nice if you’d just spend one night out or something,” Dick sighed.

“You mean your movie marathon nights,” Tim said with a scoff.

“Movie Marathon nights are awesome, even Damian like them!”

“Damian will like anything you suggest, “Tim said, well, Damian will appear to like anything Dick suggests even if he hates the idea, “You’re the only one he’ll go along with to that.”

“He’ll warm up to you too if you spend some more time with us,” Dick said trying to soften the hurt that Tim still felt, but he knew the truth. Tim pointed it out.

“I’m the last person he’ll warm up to, Dick, I’m an outsider,” and in the eyes of the assassin, weak and pathetic.

“That’s not true, Tim, you’re part of the family.”

What wasn’t true was his role in the family, no matter how hard he’d worked for it, it was never his to keep. If what Dick said was true, he wouldn’t have shattered Tim like that, one heartbeat, taken Robin from him and given to Damian instead. In a single heartbeat, he was reminded he was a replacement, just as Jason said. A pretender. His love was only worth a fleeting glance though it cost him everything.

But he never said it, “Thanks Dick.”

=============================================================================

He stood in the middle of nothing, it was almost like that time he was captured and confined in an empty prison, no light, no sound. Here he could pick up the sound of his breath coming in short gasps. Tim began to panic in this strange place. Start walking, he told himself, keep walking until he could find a wall. He did that, but wherever this place was, it wasn’t small. He finally found a solid object, a rock face. Now follow it. He did. Tracing along the surface with it’s carved grooves and broken edges. At least it wasn’t a man-made cell, there was comfort in little things like this.  
It felt like he’d been walking for hours, this whole area must have been massive.  
Tim felt panic rise again. What if I’m wrong? What if I’m walking deeper into something and I can’t find my way out. Will someone come for me?  
As the thoughts raced around his mind, he saw in the distance, a small light like a dot, a star against the night. He summoned enough courage to step away from the wall and run towards it. Safety be damned, he’d rather risk falling into some pit to get to the entrance as soon as possible than waste time.  
But as he closed in on the light, he realized the way was barred, there was no way for him to get out. On the other side were Bruce, Dick and Damian. Tim tried to call out to them repeatedly but they never turned around, never acknowledged him. If only they'll turn around.

“It’s me, it’s Tim, please!” he called out.

Bruce’s impassioned voice said as if confused by the name, “Tim?”

Damian replied, “The worthless Robin, if he could ever be called that.”

“Oh right, Tim, I think he’s better off like this, you needed Robin more than he did, he was just filling in for Jason,” Dick said all too light-heartedly, those words pierced his heart like a glass knife shattering from within.

“A replacement is a replacement,” Jason mocked, suddenly appearing and staring straight at him, “Face it, they never needed you.”  
They all began to turn away, leaving Tim behind, trapped in the dark. No matter how much he called out, they didn’t come for him and the light faded with them. Tim didn’t stop, he called and cried as many names as he knew until he was left sobbing, on his knees clutching the bars. In one last feeble attempt, he screamed.

Tim bolted upright, his chest heaving as he fought for breath, hair plastered to his forehead in a cold sweat. A nightmare, it was just a nightmare, all too real. A dizzying overtook Tim and he felt his stomach knot, twist and drop. He quickly got up from bed and rushed to the bathroom.  
No amount of gagging or throwing up seem to help, after just sitting there for nearly an hour, his knees hugging closely to his chest, just staring at the wall. The worst of his nausea always hit along with his nightmares, the same kind dream in various forms always came to haunt him when Tim started to feel the loneliness closed in. That’s what it was wasn’t it, just one big darkness enveloping him and no one came to pull him out. To be fair he never asked for help but, also to be fair, he’d stopped asking a long time ago.  
The water felt too hot on his face as he splashed it against his face, trying to wash the muddled feeling away. Looking up, Tim caught his reflection on the mirror, it was like looking at one of the guys he fought at night, cut up and bruised, a war veteran. If someone had smashed his mirror and he looked at his reflection again, he doubted there’ll be any difference. He could do it now, smash the damn thing that was mocking him with his ugly reflection. But he didn’t.

=========================================================================================

Bruce was mad again, mad at him for screwing up. For being reckless. Tim was forced to sit through it while Alfred patched him up, his eyes just focusing on the motions of the bandage wrapping around and around hoping by the time Alfred was done, Bruce would have ran out of things to say.

“You’ve been getting worse and worse, Tim, don’t think I didn’t notice.”

Damian smirking in the far corner of the cave where he was leaning against, watching the show. Dick glanced between them both but knew there wasn’t anything he could say. Tim messed up, no sleep, more risk, culminating in one massive hiccup of an operation.  
All of Tim’s fears rolled into one crappy night.  
Bruce gave him the silent treatment, only speaking when Tim tried to apologize. He was yelling at him the way he used to when Damian purposefully disobeyed his orders. Irresponsible, reckless and a liability was what Bruce called him. Maybe it was just a fit of anger and maybe Bruce didn’t mean any of it, but the pain was real.  
And just like that, after the whole spectacle, Red Robin was benched maybe even for good from the looks of things.

“There’s no point in having you around if you’re going to make mistakes like that.” Bruce turned around without another word. Those words stabbed Tim so deeply in his heart he almost couldn’t breathe, but he clung on desperately to the one thing that gave his life meaning even when Robin was stripped from him.

“Bruce wait, I-” he began but was cut off.

“There is nothing more to say, you’re done!”

“No, you don’t-” Thwack. Suddenly Tim was stumbling back, his hand automatically flying up to cover his cheek where it was beginning to redden where Bruce had struck him. Dick surged forward but stopped in shock. Bruce stared wide-eyed, his hand still in the air after he’d back-handed Tim, even Damian seemed stunned.  
Bruce had hit him, he never, ever hit him like this before, never. 

Bruce decided to pretend that never happened instead, “Push your luck and you can forget about Wayne Industries too.”

The revelation caught him harder and he struggled not to lose it, he needed to go before he broke down again.

“Worthless Drake, a worthless coward,” Damian muttered not quietly enough that Tim couldn’t hear as he passed him by. But he said nothing, instead he just dug deeper into the pit of his heart.

========================================================

Dick tried to figure out how he was going to help mend things, but between Bruce and his stubborn brooding and Tim’s tendency to just...hide, every time something like this happened, he didn’t have many options. He could try and talk to Tim, even just to keep in touch with the kid but ever since the he’d vouched for Damian, Tim had been, at best distant, at worst, he avoided Dick like a plague.  
There was one last person he hadn’t tried yet, Dick picked up the phone and dialled, hoping he still had the right number.  
Jason looked rightly pissed that he’d been call out on such short notice, and even more so as Dick explained the situation. The kid was isolating himself in his apartment, refusing to pick up the phone. Dick was, apparently turning to him as a last resort.

“So why the heck haven’t you busted in and knocked some sense into him?” Jason questioned. They’d hung out long enough. He knew Tim had a pretty low tolerance for letting himself screw up and the first thing he’d have done was to make sure the kid didn’t slide into his shell, which no one has apparently. 

“Because, Jason, I’m not a jerk and I’m pretty sure he changed his security, again.”

Dick looked away sadly, “And he won’t talk to me, he hasn’t for months now, not to Babs either or his team mates. He’s just been silent, the whole time, I know you guys aren’t on the best of terms-”

Try worst of terms Grayson, Jason thought but he said nothing.

“But at least he talks to you, he looks up to you, please, just try, for him if not for Bruce or me.”

Damn idiot was so irresponsible sometimes, Jason cursed Dick’s pathetic excuse and ability to convince people to do things, and himself for letting him. Since no one else seemed willing to help out, Jason decided to go give the babybird a visit. Maybe lay him one so he can stop moping.

That night when Jason got to Tim’s sanctuary, it was dark and musty inside, like no one had bothered to air it out. When he managed to disable what security measures were put in place, Jason crawled in. It smelled dank and uncared for. He muttered under his breath. If he wasn’t so worried, he would’ve crawled straight back out but he couldn’t leave Tim another few days like this, God knows how easy it was for Tim to catch the worst virus thanks to his splenectomy.  
Jason always found it hard to imagine being Tim, always sick, always so damn careful because one wrong move could mean he’d be on the kerb. And thanks to the amount of shit Tim took, Jason respected him as Tim did in return.

“Tim?” His every footstep creaked unbearably loud to his own ears, there’s no way Tim would miss that. But there was no response. So he kept going further in until he reached the end of the hall, to the right was the bedroom and on top of the bed was Tim, all swaddled in his covers, layers of it.  
Only when Jason took one creaking step into the room did the boy look up, his eyes red and slightly swollen. Damn, Jason thought. It must have been really bad then.

“Hey, uh, you okay there,” that sounded stupid even in his head but he wasn’t sure how to address the crying vigilante who looked smaller than ever. Like a little kid.

“I-I’m fine,” that was an outright lie and a bad one.

“Obviously, you’re not.” Tim didn’t answer him so Jason walked over and opened the window slightly, to let out the musty and stale air before he tentatively sat down on the edge of the bed. This was beyond awkward, they both felt it. The atmosphere was tense and uncertain, neither of them knew what to do or say next. So Tim thought of the next best thing.

“Dick send you over?” Jason winced, hitting the nail right on the head.

“Uh...”

“Don’t bother, I can tell,” Tim remained silent for a while, “Thank you.”  
“No worries, kid, everyone is worried that’s all,” Jason said making the mistake of looking at Tim right at that moment, catching the sad gaze of disbelief. Tim didn’t believe that. No one apart from maybe Dick and Babs would be concerned and now he was out of sight, he was out of mind.  
But he didn’t care, not really, Jason was here at least. Unwisely, Jason decided to reach forward, pulling Tim’s hand out from beneath the covers, for support. He shouldn’t but he did.

“If...you want to talk about it, I’m listening.”

“I- not yet, I can’t, but,” the request lies on the tip of Tim’s tongue, unsure and scared. Give him Killer Croc any day as long as he didn’t have to deal with feelings like these. Tim closed his eyes before finally being able to muster up the courage to release those words.

“Will you, just stay with me, for a while longer?”

The question, no plea weighed heavily with innocence and need, fear and sadness that Jason for moment almost said ‘sure’. But the reply caught in his throat when he saw the hopeful look in the boy’s eyes, they said a million things and all of them made Jason, sorry, sorry for not feeling the same way, sorry that he couldn’t say yes. Tim still had feelings for him. But he can't bring himself to. Call him a coward but he can't change his mind, not when the words, Tim's revelation weighed so heavily on it. Jason didn't know what to feel, no matter what he did. He had never committed himself to any one relationship, and he'd decided long ago that he never would. He couldn't risk it, at least that was how his brain tried to rationalize it. All of a sudden, the only option that seemed available, was to leave. 

“I-I...I can’t, I still got things to do, you know, it doesn’t stop,” but it could, just for tonight, just for a few minute even and Tim knew that, saw the lie. Another lie. He dropped his gaze, and with it, the light was gone.

“Oh, right, that’s true.” The bitterness smothered in fake sweetness in the comment made Jason swallow thickly, feeling the lump in his throat. The boy’s voice was trying deperately to sound in control despite definitely being on the verge of breaking. Trying so hard to hold it together, “Then, you better go.”

Tim mustered one last ounce of strength and held in himself the conviction, the bravery and heroic attitude he remembered and looked up, smiling, “Got bad guys to beat up and all, right?”

Jason laughed hoping Tim couldn’t hear the slight tremble in the sad, excuse of a joke, “Yeah, damn right.”

He walked over to the wide open window and saluted before climbing halfway out, turning around and pulling on his helmet, “See ya later Timmy.”

Jason was gone. Tim went over and shut the window, locking it before he climbed back into bed and dug deeper into the covers. Pulling them almost suffocatingly over his head, no one stayed and now, he realized, no one ever will.


	2. As long as I'm held

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim needed to escape the pain. It doesn't matter who right?
> 
>  
> 
> MYSTXRIVL - STAY FOREVER

Tim sat huddled up in the corner of his room. It had been days, weeks and not a single call. No one called to check up on him. This pain was suffocating. The walls seemed to be closing in the longer he stayed. But he couldn't bring himself to leave, keeping the curtains shut for good measure because what need did he have for sunlight. The dark, dim rooms felt so much more inviting to him.  
He now knew, how little he mattered. Not to Bruce, occupied his his own world of Justice and Damian, his real son. Dick had many things to keep him busy, Babs, Nightwing, and now Damian who he'd formed a close relationship with. Closer brothers than Dick or Tim ever had.

_Because Damian needed it and demanded it._

Tim never asked for much, never demanded that attention, tried to respect what he'd been given and make himself useful, make them proud. And now, he was a ghost, no, less than a ghost. A specter barely existing.  
And Jason, the last one he thought he could relate to, and he screwed up by admitting, demanding his feelings would be answered, when he should have known, it never will be. His love was a dying bird that no one would care for, no one would save him.

He got up and stood before it and peeked out. It was night and as always, Gotham was alive with it’s non-stop nightlife. He could spy in his local area just the roof and entrance of a flashy nightclub he’d only ever been aware of but now, it was looking ever so inviting, with neon signs that towered past the roof. He let the curtain fall closed again and made his way to the bathroom, staring at the mirror the same one he’d wanted to break. His eyes were bruised from lack of sleep but the rest he sported from fights were now faded, just about healed, looking like he was back to himself without evidence of crime-fighting on his face. But he wanted more, maybe if he just...his hand wandered over to a small pouch filled with make-up, things he used for disguises, rooting around until he found the concealer pen. He dabbled some under his eyelids. Then smoothing it out with foundation and just like that, he was a new person, no tiredness, pale but clear. Maybe add a little...  
His hands fiddled through the bag again, fishing out liner and powder, and ever so lightly, outlined his eyes more, spreading shadows over his lids. Just a light dust, but it was enough to make his blue eyes even sharper instead of exhausted. He was pretty. He could work with this, just for the night. Tim needed to escape the pain.

=======================================================================================

The pounding of loud music overwhelms him. Last time he was at a party, he was in uniform, with Kon and Bart. The two had the most fun, Tim thought, more than he did at least. Whenever they enjoyed themselves without him, he felt, pretty left out. It was kind of his own fault, he never learned to party, always the workaholic. But nightclubs as he just discovered were a whole different entity of their own.  
Not only was the music loud but it definitely had that adult feel compared to a simple high school event. This was a sort of house, trance music, designed to get people moving and swaying to its beat. Mature, forbidden, even sensual. Tim felt uncomfortable in this strange new environment but there was no way he’d let himself back out. Here, he could be a stranger and it was okay. He could, let go.  
So he kept walking, avoiding the dance floor of bodies moving against each other, with the beat, some Tim could see were all too intimate. This was an environment for alcohol, sex and maybe even drugs. He will avoid the latter.  
He drifted through the crowd effortlessly like a ghost, directionless, just walking and skipping until he reached a wall where he could lean against. Even here, he wasn’t quite sure of himself, he wasn’t ready yet, not until he could get the feel of it. So he stayed, watching others, learning, observing. Men walking up to ladies they knew or only just met, drinking, chatting, then relocating to the floor. Their bodies much too close to call friendly, sometimes, going back for more drinks. Tim never experienced any of this, and watching them fascinated him so much that he failed to notice a body approach him.

“Hello there,” a man sporting a dark patterned silken dress shirt that was unbuttoned halfway to show off some of his impressive gym acquired physique, “Come here often?”

Tim chuckled with amusement, “Did you just throw a cliched line at me?”

“Did it work?”

Reckless as this kind of thing was compared to Tim’s normal protocol, he was feeling dangerous tonight, “I think it did.”

===============================================================================

He can’t say the first his first time was amazing, not even comfortable, but his first was fortunately understanding. They’d taken it slow and eventually they’d reached the point where he could almost enjoy it as much as the smooth talker. But despite all that, he couldn’t deny it was good, it was what he needed  
They lay in bed, Tim on his side playing with the edge of the covers while his other hand caressed the bruises on his hip that for once, weren’t from fighting. His mind was in a deep haze, relishing the heat that radiated from the second body, warming his back while the man snored softly. It felt good, too good to be wrapped in the other’s embrace. To be held like this with his loneliness chased away and the bed, warm for the first time. But this sweet talker wasn’t the one. Tim closed his eyes.

The first few times, going out hunting was an awkward and unfamiliar thing but like with everything else, with practice, he became an expert. By the third week, people were falling over themselves trying to get with him, but he could afford to be picky. Each day became a routine of wake up, go to work, go home, dress up and go out out and fuck, sleep, rinse and repeat. The sex was fun, it became his addiction, to could drive away his lonely nights and keep his bed warm.  
He got showered with gifts, women and men alike were drawn to his charm and he knew how to captivate people and be invisible when he wanted.  
He never went to just one place, his haunts were many, to spice it up, in case, Bruce caught him while patrolling that area the same night. He checked their routes, paying special attention to the downtown and slum areas where most of the shadier clubs were found and which were usually Jason’s territory, to avoid running into him. He didn’t patrol every inch of it so it left Tim with options. He did a great job of remaining invisible to the vigilantes, though he tended to end up either being involved or being witness to criminal activities usually either, drug dealing, human trafficking and other black market businesses. Tim wasn’t involved in that life anymore, he wasn’t a crimefighter now, though his fingers still itched with the habitual need to stop criminal where he saw them, he couldn’t. Not if he wanted to keep things the way they were, starting fights and trying to be a hero were out of the picture. Well, he can still dole out punishment, finding a reason wasn’t to hard, and he’d made somewhat of a reputation that way but as long as long as no one got hurt...too badly, and it didn’t cross the line, he could turn a blind eye.  
One of the nights he had to stick his nose in when one guy tried to drag a poor girl out with him, that night, Tim got to test some new moves on him and had him wishing he never lived, and that night, Tim got himself a date with the pretty girl and without even having to lay on a single line.  
By then, all traces of that once innocent and dutiful boy, was gone.

Every so often, he’d catch himself glancing at the computer or at his phone and realize that after all this time, no one had called him, not even for assistance. That still held a sting. He wasn’t needed. He forced himself to not cry. He’d learned a long time ago that no one cared if he was cried, his hands endlessly reaching out to them were ignored. No one saved him from the dark, so he’ll stop reaching out. He’ll learn to live with it. Just like everything else.

Eventually, he set his goals, one: to make it on his own with what was left of his name’s legacy, wrestling the company away from the hands of people who lorded over it after his parents’ deaths. He looked at the reports and grimaced. Dad never was very good at managing the company after Mom died.  
He’d slowly, with what he earned, he invest carefully, building it back up foundation by foundation. His ideal, to completely peel himself away from the Waynes and all associated with them. He’d secure it so he’d only have to worry about it for a little while until he could happily continue with his nightlife without having to worry about work. He’ll be ruthless, he’ll be better. Bruce can’t contest that. For now, he worked quietly and diligently. Avoiding Bruce at every cost. The manor too even though it pained him every time Alfred called for him. He’d miss having tea with the butler, he’d miss his dinners. But it was time to fly.  
Since he wasn’t Red Robin now, benched and retired for good upon lack of acknowledgement, he’d have his fun at night.  
Tim’s partners were numerous, but clean, he made sure of it, using the training he’d gained to catch every detail on them. Sickness always carried sign and soon, it took no more than a few seconds to recognize and record them, choosing accordingly. Their personalities too, the especially needy ones were like desperate carries, needing to pass it on. He couldn’t help but smile to himself, people were such parasites, viruses that spread and replicated their illness, he thought. Each for their own pleasure and desire, they laid him down and took what they wanted and in turn he took what he needed. It didn’t matter anymore as long as he had someone when he needed it. As long as Tim controlled the game.

================================================================================

For many months now, Tim wasn’t seen at night. He didn’t appear to be patrolling or else Oracle would have picked up on it in her feeds but no matter how many times they visited Tim’s apartment, he was no where to be seen. WE employees reported their CEO was definitely at work, and always on time now, though, Bruce could never catch him. Where could the little bird be at night.  
Jason cursed, Bruce still didn’t call Tim even when he promised a while ago, always something more major going on with him, Penguin is out, Black mask is scheming, Croc is causing mayhem again or whatever. This was beyond ridiculous.  
Jason was smoking his tenth tonight, maybe overkill but hell, he’d been dead once, he wasn’t about to care what Bruce or anyone said about his habits. He perched on the rooftops, relaxing into the quiet night, it was late, probably well past 3am. He wasn’t in a hurry. After a long and consuming drag, he flicked the cigarette butt away.

“Time to give the babybird a visit, can’t hurt to try again.” He said to himself. After swinging a considerable distance across Gotham from his territory, he let go and rolled, his jacket making quite a noisy rustle and clink as he did.  
As he made his way over to the edge and peered into the window of Tim’s apartment, he felt a wave of horror wash over him as he seriously misjudged how bad this visit would become.  
Sure enough he finally caught Tim in his apartment.

On his back.

A man on top of him.

Naked. Both of them.

Jason almost lunged forward fearing someone was taking advantage of the kid. A sickening feeling twisting in his gut at the thought of Red Robin being...taken against his will. Jason’s guns were already out of their holsters and he was halfway over the ledge when he heard Tim. Laughing, then, moaning like something out of a porn show as the guy continued to lay into him, his own laugh answering Tim’s.  
Jason stood their in half lunge, shell-shocked. No freaking way, no way was this happening. He blinked rapidly, maybe he was seeing things but no. He saw Tim rise up and flip the guy over and ride him like his life depended on it.  
The sick feeling in his gut turned into a knife in his chest as the realization hit. The former Robin, this vigilante, their babybird, was going out each night, and sleeping with someone. Bruce’s dutiful Robin was ditching patrol to mess around with another guy. It didn’t feel right, none of it. A feeling he couldn’t discern grew, a cold, steel knife in his chest. A faint familiar ache returned like a bloodstain he could never wash out, the same one he felt when he looked at the photos on the wall, of Tim as Robin, having replaced Jason.  
All he could think was, none of this is real, this can’t be.  
As Jason watched, unable to pull his gaze away, he felt the knife twist as Tim threw his head back, eyes shut and his smile content. It was like being punched in the gut to see Tim looking so damn happy. When he could finally pull away, Jason had trouble breathing. He wanted to punch the guy, not Tim, the other guy. 

No way no way, not real, this is just some nightmare, right?

He grappled away trying to pretend nothing he just saw happened, he could hear the rest of the family on the comms talking over each other in a continuous string of barks and worried sounds but none of it registered in his mind. So he shut down his communicator and retreated to his safe house.

Dick met up with him the next day, uninvited to his place, “Come on Jason, something spooked you last night, what happened?” Dick said insistently after Jason tried to both push him out and two walk into random rooms in a futile attempt trying to shake Dick off his back.

“NOTHING DAMN IT!” he yelled.

Dick tried but after so many he knew Jason wasn’t talking.

==========================================================================

Jason realized, after revisiting the apartment so many time over and over, that Tim wasn’t just having one partner, no. It had to be freaking many. If Jason could bear to count, he call this his fourteenth so far, maybe. He wasn’t attached to any single one, never, he only keeping them as long as they stayed for a night, then he began the process of hunting again the next. Each time in bed, Jason could see him, his face, eyes, the language in his body, they didn’t hold the warmth of having a partner, no trust, just happy desire. Just...sleeping around.  
The crazy irrational part of him got so mad, he was in half a mind to kick out the other guys, that began to want Tim each night he saw the boy fuck with abandon. His irrational brain whispering maliciously to him, that it should be him, he should be the one holding Tim, to make him feel good. And slowly, horror and regret dawned on him as he drank himself one night to forsake his duty, as girls whispered of their first times with their boyfriends. It should always be special, someone you cared about. Tim was a virgin before. All innocent and shy, so who did he have his first time with? Was the man gentle to him? Did it hurt? Did he care enough? Was it with some jerk from the streets?

Then it clicked, no, it hit him like a ton of steel girders.  


He did care, he cared more than he had been willing to admit. Those nights they spent together working side by side, each invitation he gave to the former Robin, and each one he received in return. They were all precursors to what their relationship was supposed to culminate to. The very thing he'd destroyed in an instant, no two instants.  
He loves Tim, so much, but he’d been doing such a good job of denying it up until now he’d convinced himself and Tim he didn’t, that it was all just some poor misunderstanding. The knife turned to ice in his chest. His mind recounted all the times he let Tim stay just to watch him fall asleep on his couch, then carry him over to a real bed so he could have the excuse to hold him before promptly wiping the memory, that want from his mind. The times when he had to deny the butterflies in his stomach when Tim invited him over with promise of takeout and board games, card games and whatnot. The smiles, the jokes, everything that sparked something in him but, instead of chasing that, he chose to put it out. 

He thought he and Tim would never be anything more than friends, now it looked like it would become nothing. The bud of deep love withered before it could even start to bloom

Now, he got to see the fruits of his actions and forever regret denying them both.

“I should have stayed, he needed me.” Jason’s whisper went into the night air, unheard. Tim continued to sleep, a stranger’s arms around him.


	3. No more waiting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, the end of May has been far busier than I liked.
> 
> BLVCK CEILING ╺╸ 25 Bucks Cobainen (BITWVLF Remix)

He’d been keeping an eye on the former Red Robin for a while but at some point, Jason couldn’t just stalk Tim anymore. He needed to talk to him. But what was he going to say? What could he do to fix this?  
Tim was leaving the club, some filthy rich bastard in tow which Jason could only imagine what they were going to get up to. He shouldn’t intervene, he wanted to but he shouldn’t. But his heart takes over and before he even know is he’s not hiding in the alleyway any longer.

“What the-?” the guy actually spots him first, babybird following soon after with a look of surprise and then...distaste.

“You!”

“Hey, there Tim.”

The guy look at Tim with shock, “You know him, is he your ex or your actual boyfriend?”

Tim doesn’t give an answer, only glaring at Jason for a bit before he spoke, “Neither, I don’t know him much.”

That was the only answer he gave before he was hurriedly tugging the guy along, trying to get as far away from Jason as possible. He wasn’t wrong. Jason never gave him the chance to know him as he had never tried to know Tim better, and that fact cut deep.

“Wait, Tim, I-” Tim by some miracle stopped and turned to glare over his shoulder, “Please, I want to talk to you.”

Jason fully expected Tim to hate him, to just leave or punch him like he deserved. He hoped it was the latter because he wasn’t sure how well he could handle Tim leaving right now. It was so stupid that he could handle leaving the boy but not the other way around. The irony was there. Tim whispered assurances to his latest date, shooting him a teasing smirk and a peck across the cheek which made some beast in Jason stir and growl. He left the guy a good distance away, waiting by the sidewalk before he strode over, stopping just a few feet away from Jason, arms crossed and irritation clear. The withering look he had made the bigger man want to huddle away and hide.

“What do you want?”

“You’re never out on patrol, Tim, the others are worried and-”

“Well tell them I’m just rosy. I don’t need their concern where it’s not needed,” Tim said. 

Jason gulped, “You can’t keep doing this, it’s not right.”

“And what do you know about right? Do you pull the trigger because it’s right or because it’s convenient?”

“I’m not killing anymore, I swear.”

“I don’t give a damn, Jason, I’ve made my decision and I’m sick and tired of choosing the ‘right’ way because everyone expects me to. I want my fun and I’ll have it.”

“What about me?” Tim arched an eyebrow, the confession nearly getting stuck in Jason’s throat but he continued, “I do love you Tim, I should’ve stayed, I wanted to but I was a coward. I though it wasn’t real, just some illusion. So I pushed you away and I was wrong. Seeing you with other guys like him, it made me so sick I wanted to fucking punch every single one of them.”

It was so much of a struggle to get the words out, it had Jason trembling, almost like the way he found Tim that night, “I want you, everything I said before was an excuse, a big fucking lie. I do want you. I love you, Tim.”

Tim stood there staring blankly at Jason, his stance hadn’t changed, “It’s far too late for that don’t you think?”

Jason looked at him, eyes wide, “I don’t have anything to give you anymore, I’ve come to accept things the way they are, so why don’t you move on?”

The answer stabbed Jason in the heart like a cold spike.  
He wasn’t even shouting but the tone, the words, were just as powerful as if they were shouted if not more. This wasn’t Red Robin or Tim or even Tim Wayne, it was a person that sounded like all of them at once but twisted, a power that Tim must have known he’d have but did all he could to deny it. But here he was, in all his bitching glory making a grown man like Jason wish he would let him grovel on the ground before the boy’s feet for forgiveness. This part of Tim, was cold and uncaring, Jason wanted it to go away. 

“I can’t make my poor date wait any longer, see you around Jason.”

And with that, Tim was gone.

All Jason could do was somehow make it back to his safehouse, except, it wasn’t his he realized as he looked around. It was neat, white, and filled to the brim with the Bats’ arsenal and too many medications and first-aid kits. It was Tim’s, one of his old abandoned ones. Dusty and unused, it felt like a mausoleum.  
He had alcohol too, no wait, they weren’t Tim’s, the bottles where Jason’s. He’d somehow gone from his own safehouse to one of Tim’s with any crap he could pack into his bag which was all the strong stuff.  
He didn’t care, he didn’t want to leave, so he popped open the first one.  
Jason had been holding it off for as long as he could, denying that any of it was true. His mind still holding onto the memory of Tim in all his innocence, shy and serious, ever the nerd. He refused to his him as anything but. The irony. It took seeing Tim become this...before he those feelings he thought he didn’t have to bloom. But now, he’s not sure if Tim will accept him. In light of this, he wished he could take it all back, the horrible things he said, when he left Tim alone when he needed him most. He wished he could go back, rewrite everything. He wished he’d accepted Tim’s feelings, stayed with him. Held him, like he needed Jason to.  
Jason’s drinking too much again, he needed to call Dick.

“Hello,” Dick murmured sleepily, expecting Bruce or Babs or even Wally to be calling this late into the night, but no, it was Jason.

“Dick, Dick hic..”Dick shot straight up from the bed, Jason sounded drunk, drunk and devastated, “Jason?! My god are you drinking again?”

“Dick, I-I messed up, I fucked up so bad,” Jason half sobbed into the phone. Dick was really worried now, Jason rarely called let alone like this, smashed and sobbing into the receiver.

“What happened? Jay, talk to me.”

“I...I...oh god, Tim...”

Dick stopped pacing in shock, a cold dread crawling up his spine. Tim, no way, did something happen to him? He’s not been on patrol and he never called, anything could have happened. Dick needed to know, hoped his suspicions were baseless. But Jason would be at Leslie’s not downing beer or whatever the hell he drank. Unless he already was there and Tim was waiting.

“Jason, Jason, tell me what happened, please,” Dick pleaded but he could hear nothing, except the quite breaths of Jason trying desperately not to cry.

Dick took a deep breath, to calm his heart and control his breathing, ground himself. At least one of them needed to down or they’ll both freak out.

“Jason, where are you right now?”

“Tim’s safehouse on the outskirts of central.” Tim hasn’t accessed that safehouse since the whole thing with Black mask went down months ago, what was Jason doing there?

“Stay there, Jason, I’ll be there soon as possible.”

By the time Dick had rushed over and parked his car in the front, and walked right in, Jason was completely drunk, laying on the bed clutching at what looks to be one of Tim’s old shirts like it was his lifeline.

“Jason!” He didn’t answer, too caught up muttering incoherently under his breath.

“Jason, talk to me, what happened?”

“I can’t fix it anymore, I love him but I can’t fix it now, god I’m such a selfish coward.”

Dick rolled him over and sat him upright, trying to get Jason to look up, “What happened?”

 

Dick thought he was going to be sick. This can’t be happening, this wasn’t their baby brother. Tim was innocent, loyal and loving, not this. He couldn’t believe any of it. But the tears and uncontrollable sobs told no lies, he’d never seen Jason so broken like this before. 

“I should’ve been there, even if it felt wrong, I should’ve given it a chance, would’ve seen how much I loved him. But no, I ran, like a fucking wimp,” Jason fought for control in his stupor, hands still gripping on to Dick’s arms for support, “He needed me, Dick, and I abandoned him.”

“He needed all of us,” Dick hung his head in shame, “That night, Tim got reckless and nearly sabotaged an operation, he righted himself in the end but Bruce benched him anyway. I know Tim, and he hates that. But he probably hated having the opportunity to fix his mistake taken away.”

Jason listened and seemed to have calmed down a bit.

“He tried to talk to Bruce, tried to apologize, get him to change his mind. Bruce...hit him. He’d never hit him before.”

“He never told me any of this,” Jason said weakly, or rather, he didn’t stay long enough to listen. Just one more thing to fuel the wonderful guilt trip and regret he was becoming all too familiar with.

“This is also my fault. I took the mantle from Tim when it was all he had, I let him go alone thinking this was what he needed. I failed to jump in when he needed me to. He’s got every reason to hate me too.”

The words were like bile in his mouth as they took shape. They made him realize how much he’d screwed up in the brother department because he believed Tim couldn’t handle it himself. That Damian needed his guidance and expected Tim to understand. He should’ve known that no one should be so alone, equal or not.

“What do we do?”

Dick considered going after Tim, the option he would want to go with but would he accept both Dick and Jason’s apologies when more were needed?

“We need to call everyone,” he finally said, “He needs to hear it from all of us.”


	4. Searching through the Night

Bruce wouldn’t believe anything they were saying, there was no way what he was hearing was true. Just the idea of it was preposterous, like a wild nightmare or some twisted reality. Not Tim. This wasn’t happening. Even Babs was horrified at the story being relayed to them.

“I don’t understand,” she said in a voice so low and soft, they almost couldn’t hear her over the speakers.

“No,” he said harshly.

“Bruce, you can’t keep pretending everything is fine, everything is not fine. When was the last time you actually talked to him?”

Too long ago, Bruce’s mind supplied, how long since that night? Eight months? A year, it feel a lot like a year, just like the time Dick and him had a quarrel which resulted in the young man leaving Robin and disappearing into Bludhaven.

Jason finally stepped forward, “It’s true, everything we’re say, is true,” he inhaled shakily, “You should know by now what he’s like, Bruce, you’ve been with him long enough to know him. He kept it all bottled up inside, doesn’t he, never speaks up, right?”

He used to once, a plucky if more serious Robin, he still cracked jokes and gave his thoughts to Bruce on anything from a mission to their personal lives. But he can’t remember the last time he heard Tim talk about anything personally, not since he took Robin from him and gave it to Damian. For the sake of the boys progress. And he was, Damian had become so much better than when he first arrived, why couldn’t Tim see that? He had to go see him, talk to Tim and know his partner was still there with him, that he was still his precious child too and all of this was a scare. Bruce knew he wasn’t the best of partners, fathers or friend but he will do better. He just needed to talk to Tim.

“Where is he?”

Dick and Jason exchanged worried looks.

Tim was hard to find to say the least, he had not been on patrol for so long so trying to search for him via his old routes was pointless. Damian had made a passing remark at Tim about his slacking off as he’d done a few nights before, which Bruce immediately responded with a harsh grunt and his signature glare. Damian said nothing after that.  
Jason was extremely quiet, even in uniform. Usually he’d have something if not all the comments to say, either a grating joke or an intentional jab at any one of them, but tonight, he said little while he searched for signs of Tim. Bad sign, Bruce thought, his silence making the ever growing dread in his gut rose as his hopes of seeing Tim was okay gradually plummeted.

Eventually, Jason took the lead, he had intimate knowledge of Gotham’s street activities and nightlife from always being ‘down there’. Tim would too, he spent a lot of his time away from the upper class districts, and closer to Jason. He knew something happened between them. But Jason hadn’t opened up yet, he couldn’t force it out of him, no matter how much Bruce wanted his wayward son to talk to him. 

They veered off the usual routes and searched in the corners of Gotham that Hood was more familiar with. Barbara in the background taking notes of the area.

A pang of pain hits his chest as he realized, in comparison to Jason, Tim was always so eager to talk to him, but he’d pushed him away. Now here they were searching for a bird that knew everything on how to stay hidden.  
It took nearly three hours of constant searching punctuated by the occasional mugging or assault that needed dealing with. Some part of Dick hoped and dreaded finding Tim in such circumstances. It WOULD make finding him easier but the outcome was not always favorable for the victim, but it should be fine, Tim could take care of himself. But that was was Dick had fooled himself into thinking before, and it led them here.  
Jason had more luck though and they finally found him. In a nightclub in an area which they rarely passed through, exactly away from the route they had agreed on tonight in advance. From this, Bruce could tell he was intentionally staying away from their paths.  
Tim was in there, god knows why. He hopes he won’t see him drinking himself to death, to young, too precious for that, Tim hated alcohol too if Bruce remembered correctly. The Bat strode in, impatience had taken over as he desperately searched for Tim, ignoring the looks people around him were giving. He didn’t look behind to see if the others had followed as well, his eyes focusing on the faces, seeking until they laid eyes on a familiar figure at the back, laughing.

“Tim!” Oracle exclaimed over the comms unit in his cowl, the boy was talking to someone, whatever he was saying was drowned out by the pounding music but Bruce could see him, laughing, surrounded by men and women, either draped over each other in a tangle of limbs and clinking glasses. Another young man on Tim’s other side and a girl occupying the space by his legs, seemingly drunk. Putting the play in playboy.  
Batman pushed past the flow of bodies, closer and closer until he was just a few feet away from the table having forgotten to be subtle in the approach. This time though, Tim saw him very clearly, coming towards him. He didn’t move though, neither did the bodies still around him, watching Batman. He gave a half smile as he watched the Dark Knight stand out like a sore thumb address him in a public place, completely uncharacteristic of the Big Bad Bat.

“Batman, what a pleasant surprise.”

“Tim, what are you doing here?” Bruce growled, like an idiot, Tim thought, and one who doesn’t know how to have fun.

“Enjoying myself as you can see,” Tim said nonchalantly gesturing at the man beside him who had now brought his other hand to rest on Tim’s stomach. The possessive type, how cute.  
He’d been expecting a moment like this, perfect timing really, as Batman took in his soon to be partner.

“Tim, is that...”

“Oh, right, meet Darren, he owns this place, one of many, right?”

“Right,” the man answered with a smirk. Darren Colte, twenty six years old, son of Joe Colte who was currently imprisoned for felony charges and mostly smuggling and murder. He also possessed a history of fraud, a loan shark and a ruthless proprietor. The kind of man Bruce would never allow his family to associate with and Tim was all over him like a cat.

“What’s the matter, speechless or is it that Dark Knight thing of yours?” Tim said in a mocking tone, this person was not Tim. Tim doesn’t talk like that.

Bruce balled his fists struggled not to lash out, “Why are you with him? Why are you letting him touch you?”

“Why? Isn’t it obvious, we got to know each other pretty well, I like him, he helped me with a few personal matters too,” Tim said. Oh his parents would turn over in their graves to know that their son, not only a slut, but raising their precious business from the grave on blood money. He laughed. They should thank him really, he does care after all about the business. He turned his head only to be met with a searing kiss from his companion. Tongue against tongue, dancing with abandon. Those large hand began to roam over his body, slipping underneath his shirt. Tim sighed against the kiss. He needed this.

“Tim.” Bruce grit his teeth. Oh, Tim almost forgot he was there. He could sense the string thin tension in the way his name was uttered. They couldn’t do this here.

“Be back real soon,” Tim smiled against Darren’s lips. He got up and pulled Batman along and around the back, spotting three other figures now following. He smiled. The whole gang was here, perfect timing indeed.

==================================================

“Tim, please, stop...”Dick pleaded, “Stop this.”

“Stop what?” Tim gives him a confused look, an act that they could all see through. But it was fun to make them play along.

“Don’t do this to yourself, let’s just...go home.”

“Home? This is my home now, and I like my life here,” a lie. In reality, he wants someone to tell them that he’s loved but at this point, it would only ever be pity, and pity was the last thing he needed. In some ways, he prefers things the way they are now, easy, painful but briefly.

“Becoming a harlot, Drake? As a former Robin, this is beneath you,” Damian spat.

Tim turned to glare icy daggers at the brat, he could almost take it as a compliment if he wasn’t so late already, “And what do you know about me? What gives you the right to tell me what I am? So what if I am Damian, it’s never, ever been any of your business. Ever.” 

The boy looked like he’d been burned, as Tim threw that spite back at him. And so he should, Tim thought, because that’s the truth. Damian was never concerned with anything more than seeing Tim dead or gone.

“This isn’t right, Tim this isn’t you. Please let us help you,” Dick pleaded.

There was such pain in his older brother’s voice that Tim can’t hold it in anymore, he let out a chilling laugh that made Damian’s skin crawl and Dick recoil in horror, Jason was left gaping at him in shock. For a full minute or so, he laughed, his voice which would have been beautiful if it wasn’t so twisted and cold, hollow and dripping with disregard of everything. Sin and hatred, sorrow and acceptance of his darkness.

“Such a fucking lie,” he sighed, eyes up towards the sky.

“All my life, I’ve known,” Tim closed his eyes, “No matter what I do, the things I put myself through to prove it, to earn that trust, would all be for nothing. That I’ll never be good enough. I thought if I tried hard, fought for it, I’d find my worth and I would mean something to someone, but in the end, none of it’s real. I have nothing. A worthless person has no place and certainly not in this family. Isn’t that right Damian?”

Damian was for once at a complete loss for words. As was Bruce and the rest of them. Dick had a million things to say for sure but al got caught in his throat.

“It was all I wanted. But that’s just the problem isn’t it, my love is worthless.”

Tim set his gaze on Jason and cocked his head, the grim smile still on his lips.

“So, if it’s such a cheap and useless thing, why don’t I just give it to whoever’s interested. Anyone can accept a whore,” Half of those men probably don’t deserve anything but at least Tim can use this to his advantage,” I can give them myself and I get someone to keep me warm at night. It doesn’t matter right?”

Because that’s all he wanted ever since he was a little boy, to be loved and held. But it doesn’t matter, as long as he can have a warm body to keep the cold at bay. To feel someone holding him and pretend that he’s loved. Like a dream.

“No, Tim, that’s not-” Jason took a step forward with his hands in mid-air about to reach towards the boy but the look Tim backed up and sent him a glare that made him stop in his tracks.

“Not what Jason? You said it yourself, you never even wanted to be associated with me in the first place, I was an idiot for thinking for a moment that you felt the same way, a fool for thinking anyone would want ME,” Tim giggled, hysterical and twisted like someone who’d lost his mind, “I didn’t learn my lesson the first few times, but thanks to you, I’ll remember it.”

He turned away to head back inside the club, he knows they can’t do anything, it’s not a crime to look for him to sleep around, he will hunt for anyone and they can’t stop him without causing a fuss. They couldn’t do that with so many people especially with Jason there, they could end up starting a fight. So Dick made one last plea, as heartfelt as he’d sounded in years.

“Please Tim, we do love you, come home with us.”

Tim turned to look over his shoulder, his eyes devoid of hope, of care, just another night, “No.”

Dick looked like he’d been slapped in the face, “I don’t believe you. After what you did, Dick, I never believed in you. I’m not stopping.”

He was not, Tim would keep doing this until he forgets himself, until he grew sick and tired of it all, until that day comes, he’s happy to sleep around, make false promises and listen to people’s lies. 

They all stood uselessly in the alley, Dicks hand trembled in desperation, wanting to reach out and hold him, keep him here with them. Why the hell couldn’t he grab on now?! They all watch Tim pull the doors open, deafening club music pouring out onto the streets with many bodies crowded together. It was like losing their brother to the monsters inside. To Jason, he watched someone pure and loving become an addict to the sin, his one chance was up. Tim was gone, some other fucker will be waiting to take him home tonight.


	5. Don't look for me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have a [tumblr](https://crypterion-moon.tumblr.com/)

Tim can’t say he was proud of the things he said to them, but he didn’t regret his actions. Not after having waited for so long for them to come around, to see him, only to watch helplessly as they all pushed him away, one by one, bit by bit.  
He’d lost enough to know when it was useless trying to cling on. He could fight and fight and nothing would change, so why fight at all. If Steph were here, if Kon or anyone of his friends that understood him weren’t buried six feet deep, they would know what he needed and he could live that little bit loner until he could get through it. They could help him cling on just long enough to get through it like Dick always loved to say. Problem is, they were all gone, and he was tired of waiting for someone to save him.

“Good evening.” A low, but rich voice jarred him from his thoughts, and Tim looked up

Darren was a sweet lover in bed despite his far from stellar track record. If Tim had read him correctly, he treated his partners well. Even, according to one gold-digger, he’d love showering her with gifts before the relationship ended quite abruptly. Tim reached over fingering the pretty watch on his bedside table, a gold inlay Rolex which he’d just acquired from his new benefactor, not like he needed one but a gift was a gift. The man beside him shifted, mumbling nonsensically in his sleep, the arm draped over Tim kept him warm through the night.  
Maybe he just liked spending money on things, including his flings. Doesn’t matter, he liked being given attention, and the body radiating against Tim’s back felt good. Tim pressed his back closer and closed his eyes, drifting back into sleep.

 _He tried reaching out past the bars of his prison, but they weren’t looking. He tried calling out but all that came out was a soundless scream. On his lips, Bruce’s name fell on deaf ears as the group joined, even Jason despite everything was welcomed into their fold and then they began to fade into the light, where Tim couldn’t reach. The darkness behind him was closing in now. He kept reaching out, screaming their names but no one turned around. Finally Tim stopped calling to them, his hand dropped as he watched them walk away from him._  
_He stepped back away from the unyielding metal, his uniform began to melt away, bearing him to the shadows around him._  
_He could still see them, far in the distance now. They won’t save him. Tears fell as he began to understand this. Finally as the light began to leave as well, his lips pulled upwards in a smile filled with nothing but pain and longing and the fingers in the dark reached around, grasping, pulling him farther in. He closed his eyes and accepted it and the darkness swallowed him whole._

===========================================================================================================

 

Bruce jolted upwards, gasping for air like a drowning man. The latest in the series of nightmares. It was always the same scene, playing out over and over again, each time a little bit added on the end as if someone was writing the ending out slowly, to torture him, haunt him with his failings. Last time he watched himself walking away pretending his third son didn’t exist. This time he saw Tim letting go and letting the darkness, the very same darkness that crawled on Gotham’s streets, gutters and corners, swallow him up because what else was left?  
The air felt chilled on his cold sweat covered skin, and the night left him wondering if Tim could be at home now, by himself and not with some other filth.  
He’d go over himself, but he’s sure Tim would just kick him out. His hopes were slim and no matter how Batman would act, he couldn’t do that to Tim, enforce is presence on the boy. He already stopped seeing Tim at Wayne Corp, according to Lucius, he just called in and quit, sending over the last document needed to kick the company a further five decades, advancements Tim must have been working on since he stopped patrolling.  
With that, he took a significant sum of money, the earnings he acquired from working and the initiative.  
He already saw it in the boy’s eyes, the look of someone who’d given up. His eyes told Bruce who he was and where he was going and somewhere in there, a sort of relief.

‘Thanks to you, I don’t need to care anymore, you can have your castle on high, while I have my den’  
Thanks to him...Bruce sat up, eyes heavy and mind alert but running on very little sleep, his hand dragged across his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose as he always did when stressed.

“Bad nightmare?” Jason’s voice filled the room and Bruce looked over to see him sitting on the windowsill, facing away from him. A cigarette lit between his fingers while he blew smoke out into the windless night.

“They haven’t stopped,” Bruce answered as he got up. Jason took another long drag. Bruce would stop him but neither of them had the energy to start an argument.

“He’s not coming around, I tried talking to him but he’s got his own gig now, in the underworld.”

Bruce nodded. No contact with the bats, no contact with the Titans, not even his best friends or work. One day, he just up and left, leaving a simple note saying he was done. Bruce knows he’d been planning this for a long time. The loss of Red Robin was giving him more time.

“He’s cut all ties from us.”

“Even Wayne Enterprises?”

Talk among the socialites began to circulate of a young man who’d seized, bribed and manipulated what remained of Drake Industries from warring stakeholders and was gradually rebuilding it, already catching the attention of many investors. But he was ruthless and dangerous. All part of the appeal, they said.  
It didn’t take detective skills for the family to realize who this mystery man was.

“Yes, he planned this, gathered his money honestly to raise Drake Industries again, but this time, he’s getting help from bad names, bad people. He uses them then cuts them away when they hit rock bottom.” 

“This is a game to Tim now.”

“Shit.”

Bruce nodded again sombrely. He lament that Tim was not using his brilliant mind to play a horrid game He always knew he’d be brilliant, Tim was resourceful, smart and cunning when the situation called for it, but to see him pushed this far. Bruce considered going on patrol tonight, to stop the pain eating at him even for a bit. He was about to do just that when he spotted a picture frame on the dresser, one of himself and Tim as Father and Son, Batman and Robin. He stood and walked over to the dresser, taking the picture frame.

“I got some pictures too, of him and you out on patrol.”

Bruce looked up.

“I took them when I found out Timmy had replaced me when I died, I got so mad I followed you guys around, waiting to get to him,” Jason smiled wryly, “You guys made a really good team.”

“Jason-” the words caught in Bruce’s throat. How could he say it, make Jason understand that he’d always be part of their family, “Jason, you know you’ll-”

“I know Bruce, you said it a hundred times already,” Jason stubbed out the cigarette and flicked the butt into a trash can in the room, “I don’t know if you told Tim though.”

Bruce heart dropped, no he didn’t, not enough times. He did such a great job reassuring Jason and Damian that they were loved and part of the family that he forgot Tim entirely. But the boy never complained, never made his thoughts or needs known. Tim never, ever asked for more. And he was never given more so he quietly existed.

“You didn’t, I know, Tim was always talking about how much he just wanted to make you happy, like some poor pissed on puppy that didn’t know anything else.”

“You too were...close,” Bruce asked in amazement, a bit of the bitterness coming through when he considered how much Tim used to talk to him as well.

“We… we were, for a while, we had each other’s backs until one night.”

Jason turned to see confusion and an expectant look, waiting for Jason to explain. Tim had kept that from them too.

“Tim never told you what happened did he?” 

Bruce shook his head, anticipating a long and painful story, he circled around the bed to where he kept some of his finest, out of reach of any guests. He set down two glasses and began to pour.

“That night, I was in on a failed mission, got hurt pretty bad too. So I went to his place,” Jason wasn’t sure why he always ended up at Tim’s, he’d assumed it was convenient but sometimes, his own safehouse was closer than Tim’s apartment, so that reasoning made no sense, “I didn’t know why before but I always liked having him there to help, just him. So he patched me up and everything was fine but he looked upset, like there was something he wanted. When I finally got him to confess, I wasn’t expecting him to say he had feelings for me. I pushed him away when.”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t get over what myself. Not too long ago, I was doing everything in my power to put him six feet under. Hearing him say he was falling for me, it was like one big joke. So I treated it like one."

A shaky breath.

“When I turned to look, turns out, I’d just fooled myself into thinking it wasn’t possible, should’ve known better. In this family, anything is fucking possible.”

Bruce didn’t say anything to that, just kept his silences, as he always did when he was judging someone, judging Jason.

“What the hell was I supposed to do Bruce, we were supposed to be brothers. How the fuck did it become this?”

They had created a perfect image of two brothers reconciling and being siblings at last that Jason was afraid to lose that too. Jason needed the status quo when everything else had changed since he died. Bruce liked to think nothing had changed but clearly, his world was a lot more different than the way Jason had left it all those years ago. Tim was his brother, and Jason needed to accept that, and he did. With time, he could come to terms with the kid as his brother, but Tim musn’t have felt the same. He was right, who were they kidding, they were barely brothers when they met. Jason was a kid that lived on the street who no one cared about and Bruce had happened to picked. No one questioned him becoming a ward.

Bruce walked over and offered him a drink, certain if he didn’t, Jason would make a trip down to the bar to drink himself senseless, maybe start a fight. Drinking together was a better alternative, Bruce decided. They both needed it badly. Jason took it gratefully.

“I can’t tell you how this kind of thing happens, I don’t understand it myself. But I know that he always saw you as a hero and friend first before a brother. Maybe that was enough.”

Years of being so emotionally out of touch left him with many broken or shallow relationships, there was only one person who accepted him and he could love. Selina may have been many things he didn’t approve of but her passion and ferocity and acceptance drew him to her. That carefree, independent part of Selina was what separated her from all the rest.

Tim was so much like him in that regard, he tries though. Always did. Finding love in the most absurd of all places. Bruce would never have imagined Tim would come to view Jason that way, and he wasn’t sure he would’ve believed it. He felt a strong hand gripping at his arm, and looked up to see Jason grasping forwards, head hung like a man who’d committed a sin.

“I had him, Bruce,” his face was riddled with so much regret, for not facing his demons earlier, not giving Tim a chance, “I had him and then I pushed him away, now look where it left us.”

Bruce wrapped his free arm around the now fully grown Robin. His own regrets mixed in with the unfamiliar effort of having to hug someone who almost rivalled him in bulk and height. Jason had become so different from the boy he’d know years ago, before he’d failed him. He still wishes that if given a chance, he could do it differently. Give Jason the support he needed and not what he believed, been there with him, all the way so he wouldn’t end up in the Joker’s hands. He swore he wouldn’t fail again, and yet, here they were. Mourning the loss of Tim.

“We all did, Jason,” Bruce said, tipping the glass back, grimacing as the strong alcohol slid down like liquid fire, “We all pushed him away and left him alone out there.”

“He’d given himself to bring us together, to bring me home. It doesn’t take any one thing to break a person Jason. Just like you.” 

The torture, the hate, all that death, a sickly green pit, loneliness, a trust broken, love lost. Both Tim and Jason suffered greatly because of his failings.

“I promised to take care of him,” and the promise was broken, Tim was neglected by the people he was supposed to call family, all over again. Alfred had warned him, warned Bruce that this boy needed care, needed love, but he’d never ask anything.  
He was warned that he needed to look after Tim, no matter how he liked to think he could take care of himself.  
Instead, they all broke his heart.

And the memory of that night now haunted him. The back of his hand remembered striking the boy so hard, he was knocked back a few feet. It sickened him to his stomach, so much so Bruce was this close to cutting off his own hand for the act. He had never hit Tim, never had reason to.  
What had he become? Tim didn’t deserve any of that. He couldn’t fathom what had come over him that night, anger, indifference or disappointment for no apparent reason. Bruce could remember, whenever Tim was upset or weighed down heavily, they would always talk. Like a parent and child should. When did he become this unreasonable?  
Bruce down the rest of the glass and poured himself another.

“I promised.” Can they still salvage this?

===============================================================================

 

They found Tim often left Gotham for business and it drove Bruce mad with worry when he couldn’t see if Tim was keeping himself safe. Worse, Tim made sure they couldn’t contact him. They knew he was a genius when it came to computers and networks but this new level of anti-interference was insane. He’d built aggressive firewalls that prevented even Oracle from hacking and he could tell she would because he’d leave an apology right before blowing up her system, it was easy to repair but a pain nonetheless.  
For them, if they tried contacting him, he outright blew out the computers and shut down their networks, Bruce had to make sure everything was backed up before each attempt after the first warning said he’d wipe their data if they tried again. And he did.  
This new level of digital warfare was brutal and Tim utterly destroyed them, it was no wonder Tim managed to sabotage Ra’s so severely.

“Drake is...terrifying,” Damian had to admit after witnessing their systems practically explode after Bruce tried to contact him through his computer. 

“I can’t believe this,” Bruce breathed. Jason’s eyes were wide as he just watched the newly upgraded Batcomputer blue, red and yellow screen to death then pop as the circuits overclocked. They’d never imagined how damn ruthless he’d actually be when he put his mind into it. It was no wonder Ra’s was so taken with him. 

Dick tried to sneak in, only to get a nasty shock as the whole place blared alive and practically tried to incinerate him. Shock deterrents, drones that Dick had no idea Tim had, and the constant pain in his head courtesy of high frequency noise that often drove people insane as nails on a chalkboard would.  
Not even the Titans got a peep from him and according to Raven, there was so much hostile emotion. He was building his own network far reaching enough to worry any vigilante. What terrified Bruce the most was that if he let it go on any longer, Tim would become a victim to them or worse be one of them, and oh, what an addition he’d make along with Lex and Ra’s. 

Bruce stared at the photo of himself and Tim on the day they made the adoption official. Even on a magazine page, his eyes had so much more life than seeing Tim now. He looked at pictures Oracle could capture of Tim and saw nothing but hatred, mistrust and worst of all, the underlying sadness and coldness.

“What is that?” he heard Damian say. He focused in on a picture of Tim one afternoon on the streets of Amsterdam, watching warily around him possibly for any bats or leaguers following. Bruce saw nothing, just Tim being surrounded by people.

“I don’t see anything.”

“Look, there,” Damian insisted, this time pointing at something off to Tim’s side. Bruce noticed it now, a blurry shadow that seemed to melt in along with the others but what was unsettling about it was, it was definitely staring straight at Tim. Bruce isn’t sure how he can tell and that added to the feeling of dread.

“There too!” This time, Damian pointed to the far right corner, another shadow, small but somehow, they could gauge its rough size, it wasn’t small, and definitely sporting something big, like wings. Both had their glowing eyes on Tim.  
Bruce scrabbled around for more photos, searching. Many of them had one or more shadows, sometimes far away, sometimes far too close.  
Logic would usually take over, he’d need more evidence, proof that this wasn’t a trick of the mind, but his paternal urgency had kicked in and it was all instincts.

“We have to find him, we have to get to him!” Bruce said, a timer inside his mind was now ticking away. Whatever they were, they were hunting him.


	6. Can't find me

He saw Tim, he watched as the sad, sad lonely boy be swallowed by the darkness. Unable to move, to reach out as Bruce was held by some invisible force on the spot. The Robin who tried so desperately to keep up was left behind, the expression of pure and utter sorrow having never left his features, no matter what expression he tried to hide it with.  
And those last few moments before he completely vanished within that cage, acceptance.

Bruce could move now, each step felt heavy, the air thick and weighed by a disturbing, complete silence. As if he’d wandered into a place of death where no birds, no wind, no life touched. The light from before was gone now, replaced by a dull, murky glow about the place as if the sky was clouded and clogged by dust. But the prison door was open.

He went in, careful and cautious. Not knowing what any of it meant, for the first time, he didn’t know what he was doing. But he walked on, hoping he might find Tim and bring him home. Tell him how precious he was and that he’d always protect him, like Bruce should have. Give him back that sixteenth birthday he ruined. Be back on time with Dick and Damian in tow for his seventeenth. Hold the party he’d never got from them.  
He’d do anything.

“Tim?”

There was no answer.

“Tim?” he repeated. Silence persisted.

“Tim, are you there?” Bruce said, uncertain of his own voice, “I’m bringing you home.”

“Bringing me home?” a voice answered, so much like Tim’s but something different, “And where’s that?”

Bruce paused, “I...Tim?”

He kept going forward, reaching farther and farther into the impossible abyss, Tim’s voice was all around him. Mocking, cold and sharper and darker than a black razor. He was afraid to keep going but he couldn’t, didn’t want to stop. This, was his mission. To find his lost child.

“It’s me, we all miss you.”

“Who?”

“Me,” Bruce swallowed, “Dick, Jason, Barbara, everybody.”

Silence answered instead, it was Tim’s punishment. Silence. Because that was the very thing he knew, it coursed through him, formed part of his soul.

“Tim?”

Somewhere in the lowest of lights, Bruce could make out something even darker. A silhouette against the void. Laid out and indiscernible. As he neared, his eyes adjusted, or were being adjusted to, he couldn’t tell, but the figure became clearer and clearer as he neared.

“Tim?”

“I see you found me.”

No, it couldn’t be him, this, thing, it wasn’t Tim. This creature, naked but for the dark tendrils of marks that curled around his body and stained his hands and legs in pitch black. Up over his hips and back. But his eyes, once blue now dead and white as a corpse’s, stared up at Bruce from where he lounged upon rock and obsidian.  
He rose on his feet, the marks shifted upon his body. Tim was grinning darkly.

“What’s the matter, expecting someone else?”

 

Bruce woke up with a start, once again, suffering a sleepless night. Haunted by visions of darkness, reminders of his failure. His hand swept across his brow and came away cold and wet. He was afraid, Bruce was afraid. It felt so real, like visions of something worse to come and this was his final warning. Tim might be too far down this path, if that was so, then they’d have to stop him, lock him up like any criminal they’d ever apprehended. But Tim would not just be any criminal. Arkham.

No, he couldn’t do it. Nothing in his heart could make Bruce go with that option and yet, it was still an alternative if they had no choice. Let him rot in hell but if he had to...God forgive him, because he could never forgive himself.

We have to get him back, one way or another, Bruce promised to himself hoping that he didn’t sound like a madman himself.

 

Tim had gone missing. Jason knows because even if Tim knew best out of all of the Robins, how to hide from even the bats, one doesn’t just vanish as if they hadn’t existed at all. His hands on the crime lines and runners came up with nothing on Tim, people questioned where the ice-cold prodigy had gone and commented on a many missing members of the influential gangs and families within the circle of criminal activity.  
Jason listened to the news. More shoot-outs and murders from two gangs. He could hear the whispers of other regulars in the bar, talk of bad blood getting worse. One of the mafia’s very own, a brother to the current don had gone missing. Now they were furious, convinced he was murdered by one of the lesser groups.  
Jason drank deeply, and let out a tired breath. On top of the missing former Robin, there was a burgeoning break out of war between the groups, each pointing their fingers at each other.  
Their patrols had gotten busier and more stressful as well and with Red Robin gone, they were down on manpower.  
It made them all realize just how much they relied on Tim’s smarts. Bruce couldn’t handle all the directing alone, and they couldn’t help with the cases and investigations as well as Tim could, not even Damian who let his frustration get the better of him ninety percent of the time.  
Jason gripped at the yellow and black disk in the pocket of his jacket.  
He was scared, if anything happened to Tim, if someone like the Joker or Scarecrow got their filthy hands on him, Jason would break his no kill period. But if he lost Tim...

Jason downed the second whiskey shot and stalked out of the bar. The night was bitter and cold as perpetual rain pelted down on the city. But it didn’t stop couples going out on their dates, a young lady and her boyfriend, dashing underneath umbrellas and jackets, laughing like this wasn’t Gotham. It wasn’t fair, Jason thought, he never noticed things like these before, and now, he lamented his choices now. He grimaced as he passed a couple happily taking shelter under the rain, two college boyfriends holding hands and leaning against each other for warmth.  
This could have been them, Jason thought, holding hands with Tim, keeping him safe and warm while Tim kept him grounded and safe from the nightmares. He fucked up, he fucked up the only chance he had with the one person who would have accepted him, forgave him despite the shit he gave Tim.  
If he could do it all over again…

Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted someone duck away from the street out of sight. If he blinked, he would’ve missed it. The man that followed though wasn’t so subtle as he walked into an alley in, following some unknown person, blade stuffed into his pocket. Jason followed, expecting to find him either mugging someone or murdering them instead. Either way, Jason wasn’t about to let him do whatever he wanted. The walked for a bit, each block was massive, populated by several building separated only by these winding walkways, eventually they led him to a dead end. The guy had stopped too. Though his back was to Jason, he could tell there was something wrong. It was like staring at the back of a zombie. The man stood transfixed on something and whatever intentions he had before were gone, replaced by what he couldn’t tell.  
Suddenly, a pale hand snaked around to grip the guy by the neck, pulling him down and forward. Whoever was in front of him, was hidden by his shoulder that Jason couldn’t see who it was, but he spotted dark hair and shining eyes, that spotted him the moment they flickered in his direction. A stare so dark and piercing that it sent a chill down Jason’s spine.  
Then the man was thrown aside in an instant and it dashed away at breakneck speed. Jason snapped out of his trance and broke immediately into a sprint, chasing after the figure. Even as the man crumpled to the ground, lifeless and deathly, Jason had no time to care. The killer clambered up the walls as if it wasn’t sheer brick and nearly impossible to scale at that speed. So whoever this was, definitely not human.  
Jason cursed as he had to double back an follow along the streets below, keeping an eye out for the figure. He spotted a dark shape launching itself from roof to roof. It was a good time to use the grapple. He fired it, almost catching the shape but he or she ducked out of the way before it could find purchase.  
It didn’t matter too much as he’d anticipated missing. The heads lodged itself into the concrete above and pulled him up high.  
He was at level with the suspect now but losing momentum as the figure gained terrifying speed, he wasn’t going to get this one alone.

“Red Hood here,” he said into the comms of his helmet, “We got a situation, unidentified murder suspect. Central, South Cramer street heading north and gaining speed. If you guys can hear me, you better get here pronto.”

He didn’t wait for an answer, it was going to be tough but if he needed to run this fucker down all by his lonesome, then he’d do it, one way or another. The chase had dragged out over twenty blocks before he could hear the crackling in his ear.

“Hood, report!”

It was Bruce, “This fucker is fast and not slowing down any time soon.”

“Details, Hood.”

“Black, just a load of black. Five foot something and scrawny from the looks of it, can’t tell if it’s a guy or girl but I’ll keep you in loop.”

It didn’t take long for someone to join the pursuit, but was surprised to find it was Dick to act first. Catching even the suspect by surprise as he intercepted. But he put up a tough fight. It was hard to tell from this distance but Jason could see that they were trained. Their movements were well-thought out and their timing was impeccable to the point it shocked Nightwing too.

With one swift sweep of the leg, he was downed and on his back and their perp was on the run again. Jason stopped to help his brother up.

“We’re losing ‘em again,” he said before dashing off to quickly for Dick to catch him.

“Hood, wai-” Dick tried to say but his legs didn’t carry him on. 

This continued on for a few more blocks until that figure slowed down and banked right. Jason followed only to run into the killer, who’d stopped right at the edge but wasn’t moving.

“Well, saved me the trouble of chasing after you a couple more blocks,” he said, pulling out his gun, “So, you wanna do this nice and civil or make it fun for me?”

The killer turned around and smiled all too sweetly, nearly causing Jason to drop his gun, “Tim?”


	7. Far too Late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally find their little bird...

Flashback

_Bruce could remember someone, not this person but someone else with the bluest eyes that reminded him of an ocean the met a sky, bright and full of light. But this dark creature that laid claim to his son’s name, held no life, no love, no warmth. Devoid of humanity._

_“What happened to you?” the question came out as a gasp of horror._

_“I changed,” claws, long and black skimmed across his chest over where his heart should be, “As I was called to.”_

_Tim, or whatever he was now, began to circle around Bruce who was no frozen to the spot, a predator not quite hunting yet, but playing, “The world we come from is a cold, heartless, godless place. Love is secondary to desire, hatred before reason. People hoard and war with each other over scraps and pointless disputes.”_

_Those hand steps paused momentarily, “Why do we fight?”_

_“To protect the innocent,” Bruce answered almost immediately._

_A low dark chuckle chilled him to his core, “Tell me, what is innocent?”_

_“I-” he had it, on the tip of his tongue all he had to do was say it, “Good people who don’t deserve to be hurt.”_

_“How can you tell who deserves to and who doesn’t?”_

_The figure had made full circle around Bruce but hadn’t stopped, and still hadn’t made eye contact with him._

_“Innocent people don’t break the law.”_

_“Who’s law, the law of nature, the law of God? The laws of men, prone to deceit?” ___

____

_“Innocent people don’t hurt other people.”_

__

_He stopped before Bruce again, this time, turning to face him fully, “And yet, we all inevitably hurt each other, one way or another.”_

__

_In that same moment, despite the swirling blackness, despite the deathly pallor. Behind the frightening presence, he could sense the part of Tim that he remembered. Curious, sad, longing for love. Bruce swallowed._

____

_“I wanted everything the world couldn’t give. I sacrificed all I had, my life, my innocence, my love and what was returned?” Bruce stared hard through the darkness into what should have been blue eyes, but all that he saw was… “Nothing.”_

_____ _

_“This isn’t you, Tim.”_

______ _ _

_“On the contrary, it is. It has been since the moment my patience wore thin. You are calling for someone who doesn’t exist anymore.”_

_______ _ _ _

_Bruce was shaking his head desperately, “No, no we do it anymore, I’ll make everything right again, just please come home, we-”_

________ _ _ _ _

_The twisted apparition turned, kicking up the shadows around him, they swirled and swirled around him until there was a dark shroud, shielding him from the outside. Bruce could feel it pushing him away in a strong gust. It was a struggle to stay on his feet._

_________ _ _ _ _ _

_“Tim!”_

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

_“You should all run.”_

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

======================================

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Pale. The word echoed in Jason’s mind. Too pale, alive but pale as death. The blue of veins visible beneath the thin porcelain film that was his skin, and the too white lips that were pull into a cloying smile.

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Tim eyes were bluer than ever, stark against the white skin and darkness around his eyes, his raven hair spilling over, casting shadows over his face .“

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Hello, Jason, I hope you don’t mind, I had to eat,” he said casually as if he was commenting on his morning coffee, “You would’ve found a reason to shoot him soon otherwise, and I like my meals warm.”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Tim,” what the fuck, Jason wanted to say but the words were caught in his throat. He couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. He just froze to the spot, even as he could hear and sense three others join him on the rooftop. Batman froze too, far too still for his usual self with the cape wrapped around him. Nightwing and Robin both gawked in shock. The person before them that looked like Tim Drake but it wasn’t, it couldn’t be.

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The boy turned around to face them fully, the black trench coat billowed out around him.

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“The gang’s all here, nice,” he said mockingly, “I missed our little gatherings.”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“What’s happened to you, Tim, you...seem so different,” Nightwing said his voice uncertain, scared and longing to reach out only to be held back by Damian. He looked down to see Robin’s eyes wide in their shock. Damian knew that look, the same look in that of a predator.

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Tim smirked, his ice-like eyes sent chills down Dick’s spine and unconsciously draw back even further.

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Bruce growled, “Were you responsible for the missing people?”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Tim pulled on an innocent face, “Who?”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Batman’s eyes narrowed even further which Tim responded with a gasp of sudden understanding, “Oh, them!” he giggled as he dragged one finger across his pale lips, “They liked getting in trouble with the wrong people. I had fun with them until I got bored of them.”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Bruce didn’t even have to put two and two together but a part of him, the part that was once a father to this boy was chilling with horror and disbelief, “What...what did you do?”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Tim merely shrugged which prompted an even stronger reaction from Batman, “What did you do to them?!”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I ate them.”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Batman visibly flinched, no, stumbled back one step. His son, his handsome, clever, lonely little Robin had eaten...people, like some monster. He wanted to believe...that this was all some trick, a test for them, and Tim’s revenge against Bruce for his ‘gift’ on his sixteenth birthday. Tim would surely stop at some point and tell them the truth. Tim had always been such a great actor.

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“No, no it can’t be, we don’t kill.”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Tim scoffed as if that mantra was the most ridiculous statement he’d heard.

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“YOU don’t kill,” Tim said gave him a disgusted look, “I don’t live by your rules anymore. You should be happy, with the scum are being taken off the streets, permanently.”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He flashed his teeth and chuckled, “Jason of all people understands how this will benefit us.”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jason aimed his gun at the monster wearing Tim’s face, “I don’t go around eating people, that’s wrong, you don’t do that!”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“And why not?!” Tim snapped back, “When all they are are just useless bags of flesh and blood, taking up space, what other use are they? Liars, thieves, murderers.”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Psychopaths, power-hungry despots, zealots bound to an immoral creed. The fools and the unlucky ones, the desperate and mislead. They could put a name to every kind of man under the umbrella of crime and there would not be enough words. This, Tim, was willing to put an end to every single one. The real Tim would never even dream of it.

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“You’re not him, you’re nothing like him. Tim wouldn’t do this, he isn’t like this,” Dick said in a string of almost blurred together words. His mind numb to everything. 

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The creature’s eyes widened a little then glared back at Hood, pulling his lips into a snarl, “No, I’m not. That boy died a long time ago since you all left him alone,” His blue, blue eyes bore into Jason’s own, “Since you abandoned him.”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It was like getting shocked by several thousand volts, then stabbed a hundred times with how close to home those words hit. Jason has never stopped feeling guilty with his mistreatment. They all bore that guilt heavily and Tim could see it even through their stupid masks. That earlier smirk replaced the snarl.

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“As much as I’d love to catch up, I’ve got a date to keep and I’ve been here long enough, isn’t that right?”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

A sudden flock of bats swarmed the area behind Tim, circling around each other until they could see a black shape contract and form within the mass, an arm snaked around his shoulders pulling him back into the chest of a handsome, devilish man wearing a similar grin. His other arm wrapped around Tim’s waist as he nuzzled fondly into a pale neck.

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Indeed, my sweet little bat. I was beginning to worry these fools would keep you the whole night.”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Bruce, I’d like to introduce you to my partner, Maximov Andzreja. Max, Bruce Wayne otherwise, Batman,” he glanced at the surrounding former Robins, “And my brothers.”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“A pleasure to make your acquaintances, your boy has been such wonderful darling, I’ve had eye for none other.”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

They all gaped in shock and horror as Tim gave a low chuckle and turned to face the vampire, hands snug against the fabric of his wine coloured shirt and came up for a kiss, deep and passionate and completely disregarding the bats, in fact, more than clearly enjoying the looks of disbelief of their audience.  
Their very actions mocked them and whatever connections and memories they had with Tim, deliberately.  
It was as if Tim was doing everything he could to spite them, and enjoy the show. When they finally broke apart, they both smiled back at the gathering, fangs glinting in the light.

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Vampires.

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Batman and the rest had all had dealings with these bloodsucking monsters, and it didn’t take a scientist to put two and two together, this man, monster was responsible. They may never know what happened but they were sure he was the one who turned their precious Tim into...this. A new but familiar pang but mostly hatred at this freak struck through Jason like lightning, pushing him forwards as he roared, attempting to shoot the fucker into ash.  
But instead there was a flurry of bats twice that of the swarm earlier, the bullets passing through uselessly. The melded once again above them on the fire-escape laughing and chuckling.

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“That’s not very nice, Jason, jealousy doesn’t look good on you.”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“If you’ll excuse us,” the one named Max said, “Tonight’s hunt calls.”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

At once, they both disappeared into the night, leaving the bats frozen below, Jason panting with a smoking gun in hand. Dick’s legs finally gave in and he collapsed sobbing, supported by Damian.

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“It finally happened, Tim’s been taken from us,” he said in hiccuping breaths.

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Father, what do we do?” Damian asked, for once lost and afraid.

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Bruce grit his teeth as he thought long and hard, his mind running through all sorts of options minus those requiring them to eliminate Tim, contingencies and possible help. They will definitely need help for this.

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“We bring him back, like we said we will.”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
